10: What Not To Say

photo of an old peeling stop sign with a forest behind it

What Not To Say

So I’ll admit, I haven’t had a ton of experience in this yet because I haven’t told many people about my diagnosis (and therefore haven’t gotten bad responses!).  Never mind. That ship has sailed.

But I know what I fear people will say. I’d love it if everyone could take a quick look at these things and try to avoid them. But I also don’t want people feeling like they can’t talk to me and if they make a mistake, it’s game over! I understand that you might feel put on the spot. I understand that you might mean well with a comment. It’s ok to make a mistake and say something wrong as long as you’re open to learning why it’s hurtful and changing what you say.

Here’s a comic by Beth Wilson that really sums up what I’d like people to avoid saying. Please go check out her site, Twitter, or Tumblr, and consider donating to her site:

Doodle Beth's comic, "What Not to Say to an Autistic Person" There are four panels showing Doodle Beth getting more and more upset, finally pulling at her hair and gritting her teeth. Many speech bubbles surround her saying, "You don't look Autistic." "Everyone is a bit Autistic." "You must be high functioning." "So you're like Sheldon then?" "We're all on the spectrum." "Everyone struggles with stuff like that." "Don't let your Autism define you." "Is there a cure?" "You're nothing like my Autistic child." "Autism is so over diagnosed these days." and "Oh, you mean Aspergers, not REALLY Autistic."

I’m not going to go into much about why I don’t want people saying these things to me (or any other Autistic person) because it’s already been done before!! These blogs, articles, and videos are done by Autistic people who have gone through this, so I want to feature their experiences and advice.

Here’s some other Autistic peoples’ lists and explanations:

  1. Amythest Schaber- Ask an Autistic #12: What Shouldn’t I Say to Autistic People? video
  2. A. Stout’s post on TheAutismSite: 11 Things Not to Say to Someone With Autism
  3. BBC Three’s “Things Not to Say to an Autistic Person” video
  4. Lydia Brown’s article for The Mighty.
  5. Chris Bonnello- “Autistic Not Weird” blog posts:

You can also check out my post 12: Asperger’s or Autism? FAQ for more info on language and my preferences.

No need to read and watch all of these links above (unless you want to, in which case ALL THE BROWNIE POINTS!), but at least checking out some of these resources would mean a lot to any Autistic person you interact with.

Related: 29: When You Don’t Believe I’m Autistic

4 thoughts on “10: What Not To Say”

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